Most parents were motivated by fear at some point in their own schooling — of disappointing a parent, of falling behind, of consequences. It's a natural instinct to reach for the same tool. There's real research on why it doesn't transfer the way we'd expect.
Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan) draws a useful distinction: fear and reward are forms of controlled motivation — they work, but only while the threat is present, and they quietly erode a person's own drive the longer they're relied on. Autonomous motivation — driven by a sense of ownership, competence, and connection — holds up over time in a way fear doesn't.
Autonomy: some real say in how or when they study, not just being told. Competence: specific, visible progress they can point to themselves, not just a score. Relatedness: knowing you're in their corner regardless of the outcome. None of these require lowering expectations — they change how the same expectation gets delivered.
Open up about a time you struggled at their age. Vulnerability from a parent does something fear can't — it builds the relatedness piece directly, and it models that struggling is a normal part of the process, not a sign something's wrong.
What's your take?
Parent, teacher, student, alum — we mean it when we say we want to hear where you'd push back.